HOW TO MAKE FOOTBALL FUN AGAIN

1. Sack the entire England team, wish the exception of Marcus Rashford. Make selection for the new team limited to the Championship and lower. All the millionaire playboys with gold bathrooms will be ineligible for selection. Pick a side full of players who really care about their national team, are motivated to succeed, and don’t live the lives of pampered babies.

The more successful Welsh team at Euro 2016 was full of players who were hungry for victory.

2. Make football a proper Olympic Sport, and set a rule that every player selected must be over forty. It will be a massive festival of nostalgia, promote a healthier attitude to ageing, and interest the crowds.

3. Make the FIFA World Cup a truly world event by eliminating regional qualifying. There are 211 members of FIFA. One qualifying round of 83 games will eliminated 83 teams, thus bringing it down to 128 teams. From there, have straight knock-out for two rounds to reduce the number to 32. Make the draw completely random, with no seeding. Brazil V Tibet. Germany V Tonga. England V Iceland. When you get to 32, have your finals tournament, but never, never, ever allow Russia or Qatar to host it. Award the finals every time to countries that really love football, not the ones who bribe the most, like Uruguay, Scotland, Iceland or Andorra.

4. Re-introduce the Home Nations Championship, and play it on the same weekends as the Rugby Six Nations. Invite Italy and France. Put the points won at rugby and football into the same league table.

5. Instead of the League Cup, which is pointless, have a British Cup. Each nation has a knock-out cup, and when there are four teams left from each country, put them all in a hat and go to knock-out.

6. Bring back the European Cup-Winners’ Cup. Scrap the Champions’ League and return it to just the League Champions from each country, with no preferential treatment for teams for England, Spain, Germany or Italy.

7. Fast-track female referees into the men’s game. There is no reason why they cannot be as skilled and excellent as the men.

8. Ban teams from changing their kits for away games unless there is a proper colour clash. Norwich’s away kit only be used for trips to Yeovil.

9. Send Raheem Sterling to work in a salt mine.

10. Limit ticket prices in the top league to £20. Everyone knows that the teams can all afford it.